I have been learning from this mixed faith marriage with Steve that he is not a reflection of me and I am not a reflection of him. I have come to know and trust that Steve is a man who acts with integrity. I want to know him, all of him.
I choose to make room for Steve. When he mows the lawn, with his shirt off, on Sunday (Mormons will understand how many laws this is breaking: the sabbath, modesty and garments, church attendance, etc.), I can allow Steve to be authentic and whole even though he expresses his faith different than me. And I honestly believe that God loves the shirtless lawnmower that he is.
I’ve realized that when I make his thoughts, actions, and beliefs about me and I want to force him to believe how I believe, I am asking him to hide himself. I’m discrediting the divine within him. I’m ignoring his complexities in order to simplify and validate my own – there is no peace or truth in that. So much pain is caused if I ask a person to ignore himself to validate my beliefs.
Steve makes room for my spirituality. I share every talk and lesson I prepare with him and then we discuss it. He lets me weep about my confusion, hope, grief, and exhaustion with my faith. He lets me excitedly tell him of a church he left and I can’t help but love. He lets me be me. Our faith journeys are interestingly different and beautifully similar; however, we would never have discovered the beauty of the connections and differences if we had forced the other to hide.
Sometimes I assume that what my journey has taught me is best for him, but I have learned not to disregard the importance of what his journey has taught him.